The Ocean of Birth and Death

Someday I will return...Someday...But not this day

2005-07-11T14:32:00.000-07:00

Sorry, Readers (If any), Sorry Weblog...Its been a long time Since my last entry. Someday I may return to the world of blogging. However I have grown out of the habit. I have returned to the old fashioned style of keeping a journal, you know ye olde' blank pages binded together and scribbled upon with lousy handwriting. Not my favorite style (especially with my handwriting) through it is more convenient for me now. I may type up what I have written down someday, but don't hold your breath for it. I just wanted to type a proper farewell, goodbye, Sayonara, get lost, F*** off, etc. If and when I do decide to return, I may just open with my second weblog "Land without Rhyme or Reason" and get that current waste of space used up. Till then....Take care and Blessed Be.

I am a Steve Zhan fan!

2005-04-20T11:20:00.000-07:00

Summer is comming soon. My mom signed me up for Golf lessons that I can get a college credit for yay. Though I have no intrest (or talent) in sports. This was proved yesterday when we were playing with a tiny toy basketball set at school. I was practically placing the ball and my hand through the hoop-and I still missed. Go me!

Lets see. During the time my brother was up here to visit we went to see Sin City. That was SOOOOO Good. So much fun. All the guys where dark, masculine, kicking ass. All the women rarely wore clothes. Just like a comic book. Elijah Wood looked like an evil Harry Potter, real freaky.

Last weekend my mom and I also went to see Sahara and that was alot of fun. The supporting actor Steve Zhan, was really cool. I loved his messy hair and scrapper attitude. He seemed tougher even than the main character. The movie is based on a book by Clive Cussler. So now I really want to read the book. Actually there is a whole series of books on the adventures of Dirk (the main character). So there might be a sequel to Sahara some day.

Sorry I have to cut this short but I gotta go, laters.

The Wallflower, the Butterfly and the Twelve Initiations of Love

2005-04-10T15:51:00.000-07:00

“In each of the following experiences, man or woman is fully capable of giving and teaching others the first quality, but for the personality to learn the second quality is a struggle. When one’s understanding of this second quality equals that of the first, he or she has then achieved mastery of a particular Sun Sign. The soul must pass more than once through the First Six Initiations of Love as:

Aries
the infant “I am”
to teach that love is innocence
And learn that love is trust
Taurus
the baby “I have”
to teach that love is patience
And learn that love is forgiveness
Gemini
the child “I think”
to teach that love is awareness
And learn that love is feeling
Cancer
the adolescent “I feel”
to teach that love is ecstasy
And learn that love is humility
Virgo
the adult “I analyze”
to teach that love is pure and
Learn that love is fulfillment
After achieving emotional maturity in these first six stages of development, man and woman must then pass through love’s Final Six Initiations (more than once) to discover its deeper spiritual meaning in:

Libra
marriage “I balance”
to teach that love is beauty
And learn that love is harmony
Scorpio
sex “I desire”
to teach that love is passion
And learn that love is surrender
Sagittarius
knowledge “I see”
to teach that love is honesty
And learn that love is loyalty
Capricorn
experience “I use”
to teach that love is wisdom
And learn that love is unselfish
Aquarius
idealism “I know”
to teach that love is tolerance
And learn that love is Oneness
Pisces
submission “I believe”
to teach that love is compassion
And learn that love is ALL

And so to realize at last that
LOVE IS ETERNAL

Taken from Linda Goodman’s Love Signs “The Twelve Initiations of Love”
<----------------------------------------------------------------------------------->

I am not sure which stage I am at. Either Aries stage because I don't trust people entirely, or maybe the Gemini stage with the thing about awareness. Of course I could just be stuck at the Scorpio stage (my own damnable Sun Sign no less).
I have been flirting with the idea of seducing a social butterfly. He is a Libra and is younger than me so it might not pan out as planned. I also may loose interest eventually. It's just that I've been spending most of my time at school with him, which goes along with having two classes together. My other friends, I barely get time to see. But I get along with my butterfly well because of his casual personality. His easy-going and comfortable behavior leaves me relaxed and well entertained in an otherwise rather boring day. With all the other assholes, dumbasses and whatever running around-boys way too young or too old, boys and their stupid trading cards, boys that are too short, boys that are too big and scary, boys that are not really boys, boys that deliver nothing but bullshit...I am not saying my butterfly better than the rest of them-just that he hasn't lost my interest like the rest of them. And I must say, when a man trys to play me for a fool, I loose interest, real quick. I've been called a shrew and I've been called a prude, I don't care. I'd rather be called that than be called 'easy'.

By the way The Wallflower in the title is me. I usually stay in one place and rarely move about to socialize. Let others do the talking I'll do the listening. However most of my friends are social butterflies. They've forced me to be less shy than I was in my earlier years and I respect that about them.

I am still around...just not enough time to blog

2005-04-04T18:45:00.000-07:00

Life happens. Spring Break is over. So much to say though sorry, I won't say it this post. This was more of a hobby I took up when I had nothing better to do over last summer anyways.
I have been listening to Matchbox Twenty more than you think you are, over and over again. I have a small collection of CD's that I listen to. Rob Thomas' music I can never tire of. Not only that, many of his songs deal with insane thoughts so I don't feel bad about being repetitive. I only have one Matchbox Twenty CD.
Damn, gotta go.
Updates: My brother's birthday is Friday, also Buddha Day I think, not sure.
Prom is on the 23rd
Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy movie comes out the 29th!!!!!!
Till next time...^-^

Feast of All Saints

2005-03-01T19:33:00.000-08:00

Since I procrastinate OFTEN! I shall use my masterful procrastination abilities to take the opportunity to blog...with my mom on the harmonica and my dog howling in the background. I finished reading Feast of All Saints by Anne Rice. Its a great book about the privileged yet oppressed 'gens de colour libres' of pre-Civil War New Orleans. The story was about learning where you came from and applying that knowledge to wherever you go in life. Its about inbetween lives that these people had where looking white was favored above having black traits. It was also about these people of color having slaves of their own. As well as the misconception that there is better than here. Passion, pride, sensuality, discovery, scandal, anguish...how many words can I think up to describe it hmmm. Anyways its a great book. Everyone should read it.
Since Feast of All Saints I've moved on to reading Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe by Fannie Flagg. Its real fun so far. I've seen the movie Fried Green Tomatoes. Both book and movie are my moms favorites.
I'll try to find time to update again...sometime (^_^!)

Keanu my angel

2005-02-19T15:02:00.000-08:00

ohhhhhh Keanu Reeves. Last night I went to see Constantine with DD. We were waiting in our seats, alone, and a half hour before the movie was to start. I was lucky enough to find a dollar on the floor. Then I knew it was going to be a good night and good movie. After all that day was really rough on me.
At school I found out Liz never turned in a CD to the public library for me so now I have a huge fine. I am mad at her, but more so mad at myself for trusting her. I know better than to trust others with things that mean something to me. Plus I knew she has been way self absorbed lately with her play acting shit. She's becomming more and more of a snob.
But going to the movie theater to see sexy Keanu and finding a dollar made me very happy. The movie was good, funny. When it started and I saw the possessed girl crawling around on the ceiling and hissing, I just busted up laughing. I think it was saposed to be scary though. I don't want to spoil any scenes but there where times where Constantine would say or do something that was just funny. I wish he kissed Rachel Wiez though. I am not that much of a fan of her but still, I was sitting in the movie thinking, common! Kiss her dammit! I hate it when movies do that to you. Then you walk away thinking that there better be a goddamn sequel where he does kiss her. I want to read the comics now too. In fact I rented Alien VS the Predator last weekend and liked it alot. I think the Predator developed a crush on that girl. They would have been a cute couple. Hunting aliens together, using the acid blood to carve out hearts on stone walls. Well anyways I want to read the comics to AVP now too. There is a DeviantART.com artist that I found that thinks the same thing. Here is a link to one of her beautiful drawings OMG true luv.

The price of my love

2005-02-07T16:18:00.000-08:00

Yesterday my brother’s girlfriend Steph came by to visit. Steph brought with her, her stepbrother Andrew. I forgot if her dad and his mom had gotten married yet. What I do know as that they just came from her grandmothers wedding. Andrew was nice he played the piano for us and we had a good time chatting away. Well actually I just sat there quietly as I usually do, listening to mom asking them questions and telling them about what has been happening to us lately. It got kinda uncomfortable because everyone was picking up the fact that he was interested in me. Or so they told me. I was trying to ignore it. Besides the guy said quite blatantly that he had no aspirations and is quite happy living a simple life doing babysitting and music performances. Plus he smokes and when he came back inside his clothes just reeked. Other than that he was good looking. Nineteen, dark hair, looks kinda like my brother.
It was good to see Steph again but I was real said because she didn’t have David with her. Our dog was sad about that too. I really miss David and am counting the days till April when he can come up here and visit us. Maybe we will go see a scary movie because I know he has no one to go see freaky movies with down there, Steph won’t go see them.
DD’s birthday is coming up. I think I already have a present stashed away for her somewhere I just need to find it. Bought it a while back. Valentines day is coming too so I also have to come up with some pink cheesy gift to give the girls. I figured I’d draw them a picture of a naked man covered by a heart that has their name on it. Something weird like that would do. Each man would have to look different though. Catered to specific interests. Nicole would like a picture of Johnny Depp as a Pirate/Elf; for Liz I would draw one of Torgo; and DD’s would just be some skanky looking old man. It’s a good thing I have fairly good artistic skill.
I’ve been thinking about Valentines Day a lot. Not just because I am excited over the thought of chocolates. I’ve learned that in Japan women give chocolates to men on Valentines Day. Usually this is kind of an obligation that they give the chocolates to their boyfriends, male friends and co-workers. This tends to be expensive. So March 14 has been designated as White Day, when the men return the favor. Usually by giving the women mostly their girlfriends something white (often lingerie).
I remember when I was a kid; we’d buy these boxes of cut out Valentines cards. Mom and I would fill out all the names of the kids in my class (except for the kids I hated), and then on Valentines Day we would go from desk to desk placing our cards into the paper heart shaped ‘mail boxes’ we made. The cards where mostly Disney brand with pictures from the Little Mermaid Tonka trucks, Lion King, or GI Joe. I would go through the cards, mostly looking for candy but also looking for something special that maybe some special boy might have scribbled out. I think I did get some hand made thing like that once or twice, but never from the boy I wanted it from. LOL.
These days at my school you can purchase candy grams or roses for your love or for your friends. It’s a good time to play practical jokes and write something dirty on the card. Of course your friends will always love to get something delivered to them special during class, even if the message included makes them squeal with embarrassment/rage/laughter/insert emotion here.

Well that’s all, I am having trouble getting back into the groove of blogging, but I’ll manage. (‘.’)

The Forgotten

2005-01-28T15:16:00.000-08:00

Its been a while eh?
I've decided that I liked blogging enough to do it again. No matter what may come of it. My last so-called 'THE LAST' entry I was rather upset, having just had the most miserable New Years Eve. With not wanting to go into detail I’ll simply move on and try to recap some of the events that have happened since my last update.

My room has been redecorated. I got a new bookcase that I put together by myself and lugged into my bedroom by myself. The damn thing was huge and heavy so give me credit. Now I don’t have junk and books piled on the floor, yay! Mom hung a painting like thing of a fan (I’m not sure how to describe it) with light blue and pink colors. She put up a little picture of a flat metal kimono that was framed and she hung my Bokken on two Dragonfly hooks. We bought a large light blue fold out chair that I now throw most of my school stuff, clothes and junk on. What else? Oh we got two porcelain Geisha dolls that are very beautiful and now sit on the first shelf of my new bookshelf.

It was finals week and I think I did well. Sociology was the hardest. I had to type out every sociology term I ever learned that semester and write an essay before the day of finals. Then I had to scramble together four more essays within an hour and a half the day of finals. I did an essay on Title 9, cults, the three theoretical paradigms, Hinduism and Islam, and another one I can’t remember what it was about (deviance or social structures). Whatever I am glad its over.

Last night I watched the funniest un-educational movie ever. It was called Lil’ Pimp. A cartoon movie with voice stars, Bernie Mac, Lil’ Kim, Ludacris, and William Shatner. I swear they said ‘Mutha Fucker!’ more than a hundred times. It may have been a bad, bad movie but it was a hell of a lot better than The Forgotten. I watched The Forgotten last night as well. I’m sorry but I am not a fan of Julianne Moore. Some parts of the movie were predictable. All the parts where people were getting lifted away into the sky I had already seen in movie previews. I watched the extended version with a different ending so perhaps I should watch the original version. Maybe the ending would be better.

I am worried about my friendship with DD. I love her dearly but she has a habit of lying constantly. It is her way of life. Along with saying and doing things that just make you twinge. She feeds off of negative attention. She claims to me that she drinks responsibly then brags to our friend Nicole about how she got drunk with her ‘NEW’ friends. DD has quit her job. This is the third job she has quit from. I suggested she look into classes at the local community college if she’s not going to work but I doubt she’ll listen. I see her less and less lately and whenever I do see her she makes nasty racist comments, however claims not to be racist. She just can’t help liking those kinds of stereotype jokes, she claims. All this bothers me; everything is a ploy for negative attention. I am disgusted with how her family has crippled her. She no longer cares about her weight and if her mother gets her on some kind of program, DD finds a way to cheat it. She wasn’t always this bad. Or maybe I was to blind to notice.

Sometimes I wonder about my relationship with her. Ever since I first met her, I’ve worried about her. I remember when we used to pass notes in between class. We’d talk about all sorts of personal stuff. Then she wrote to me about how she wanted to end her life. I panicked and ran to the counselor’s office. That was somewhere around four years ago. It was a false alarm, a cry for attention, just as she had done many times after. It just bugs me how friendship goes. It comes and goes. I’ve lost so many friends to their own issues. I’ve been betrayed so many times. Only now do I count all the times it’s ever happened. People can be so fickle. Have I ever been that way? Yes and I hate it. I am now just, waiting to see what happens next. What a world of people coming in and out of my life. Will you be in my life? How long will we know each other? How well will we know each other? And when does it end? When we part with only memories, some kept sacred and others long forgotten.

Perhaps I would have liked The Forgotten better if it touched on a subject like that, rather than going into crap about aliens.

Last blog entry

2005-01-01T04:26:00.000-08:00

This is my last blog entry. I don't know when I will ever...I doubt I will write another one again. I liked blogging, I really did. It was a place for me to vent. A place to record memories...have fun...whatever. It was a DIARY and yes, I let strangers see it. What does it matter to me if someone thousands of miles away reads my rantings and ravings. What I discovered is the effects of someone closest to me reading this. I thought that person would understand that this was just rantings and ravings that is for no one else but me. God help me I never intended for this to happen. If anyone wants to keep in contact with me I will be available by email (aziro_chan@hotmail.com). But I have to stop this for now. I screwed up and I'm sorry.

De-Lovely

2004-12-27T22:13:00.000-08:00

I tried to get pictures of this movie and it didn't workout so it's gonna be Pictureless.
Anyways here is my review on the movie De-lovely, the story of Cole Porter:
I loved it.
It is a movie worth watching even just for the music itself.
Here is the De-Lovely official website.

Christmas Holiday

2004-12-26T13:54:00.000-08:00

Well it was fun. A plesant holiday, I got everything I wanted. My friends liked their presents. My mom liked her presents. My brother and his girlfriend liked their presents. This doesn't sound so enthusiastic but its the day after X-mas and I am alone and somewhat wet from giving my dog a bath. I have tons of books to read, beautiful bedroom accesories, jewlery, The Last Samurai DVD, and christmas ornaments. My mom got a bunch of cooking gear, slippers, Big Fish DVD, and nice wintery white gloves. We sent David (my brother) cookies, Fudge and The Triplets of Bellville (<-I think I mispelt that one) DVD. I got my friends the wackiest gifts: I got Deedee a generic brand barbie doll with see-through red holiday dress and a child from Kenya doll. I got Nicole hair accessories that say Sugar daddy and Hot tamales and I got Liz DVDs of I love Lucy and Abott and Costello films.
Liz made everyone cookies. Nicole bought me a Kali in a box set (Goddess of Creation and Destruction) it comes with a statue of Kali, a beautiful altar to put her on and a book all about her with beautiful and (cough) detailed pictures. Deedee got me The Left-Hander's 2005 Caendar (which was really cool has alot of info about us Southpaws) and a grow-your-own Voodoo doll, just add water.
Deedee got Liz a Mother Teresa Breath Spray; Nicole got Liz a VHs of Fear and Loathing in Los Vegas; and of course I got here those DVDs of classical comedy.
Um, I forgot what DD got Nicole.
But I do know that Nicole bought DD a mini DVD player.
The night before X-mas mom and I watched Shaun of the Dead while eating Matza Ball Soup. X-mas day I woke up around 9:00, 9:40 and didn't start opening presents till somwhere around 10:40 to 11 o'clock. One of the boys from the Bartholomew house got a drum set, I could hear it comming from their garage.
Chewy (my dog) got a bunch of chew toys, dog cookies, and chicken jerky strips. He loves tearing through the wrapping paper.
Hmm. I should list off all my presents I got over the Holidays.

The Ultimate Hitchhikers's Guide to The Galaxy-by Douglas Adams (cheepest way to get all the books of the series)
To Ride a Silver Broomstick: New Generation Witchcraft by Silver RavenWolf
Books to Check out: A Journal-a really awsome Journal that has a cover that looks like the inside of a date sheet in a library book-you know where the librarian stamps the due date-It has all these due dates stamped on it in different colors and different sections of the book where you can keep track of the books you want to read, the books you have read, favorite quotes, and books borrowed or lent out. I already wrote out my to read list-already its too big.
The Gift-Poems by Hafiz the great sufi Master-translated by Daniel Ladinsky "How do I listen to others? As if everyone were my master speaking to me His cherished last words." Thanks for telling me about Hafiz, Akshay.
The Da Vinci Code: Special Illustrated Edition-by Dan Brown-Yay, it has Pictures!
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart Presents: America (The Book)-A citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction-Quote about the 17th and 18th century Enlightenment, " Hey, what if we stop storing the corpses in the drinking water and see if that makes any difference to our health?"
I got Christmas ornaments for Christmas-sapposedly 'stocking up' for when I leave home and get a christmas tree of my own or so my mom said. mmmm'kay.
Rainbow colored hair scrunchies
Ferrero Rocher chocolates-my favorite kind
A lavender wrist band that I Put five charms of a star, moon and my initials. Basically looks like this: (Moon) (letter M) (Letter K facing backwards) (Letter M) (Star). its very beautiful, one of my favorite of the gifts I got.
Two paper lanterns: one dark lavender with blue and yellow flowers painted on it and one lime green with red flowers painted on it.
DVD to The Last Samurai
And finally an illuminated Scorpio Glass figurine. Its beautiful. Its this glass cube that has the scorpio constelation and a scorpion floating above the earth cut inside the glass. It sits upon a dark wood stand and when you push the button, colorful light illuminates the figures inside the glass cube.

Well thats it unless I am forgeting somethings. I don't think I forgot anything. Forgive me Santa, mom, whoever if I had forgotten a gift that I did not mention. I am truelly greatful for all the wonderful things I have gotten. My mom made an excellent x-mas feasts for the night before x-mas and the night after x-mas morning. I missed my brother because he was not here, and its just sad that we couldn't all be together for christmas. But we called each other several times that morning and shared our christmas via telephone. The night before the community colllege library closed mom and I grabbed a bunch of religious books. I got books on Sufism, Hindu Gods and Goddesses, a book by the Dalai Lama, a book on Kabbalah, Mysticism, Paganism and a book called Eve's Seed. I am not going to be able to read all of these all the way through but at least I get to take some bits from them and maybe decide to read them further later on. This is an annoyingly long update, but its been such a long time since I wrote on my blog.

I hope everyone has had a good holiday season and will have a great New Years Eve!

Gender Bender

2004-12-17T17:43:00.000-08:00

I found an awsome cartoon site that, in a way, is a walk in someone elses shoes. The creator of this cartoon switched the gender roles of men and women to express the stupid things men and women have to go through based on their gender. Its basically about a bunch of girls and their quest to get some boy action. Jane acts like your average 'dude' while boys act like 'chicks', Jane has a dead beat mom and a househusband dad. Check it out it is worth a read.
Average Jane

Weekend of the stolen Keyboard

2004-12-13T17:13:00.000-08:00

Just as the title says my keyboard was stolen...by my mom. Apparently she had spilled water on her keyboard so she took mine so that she could finish her homework (she is going to college for a business degree). But that was okay I had a busy weekend anyways. David finally got my birthday present to me, YAY! He got me a Mahjong set! I am soo happy. I want to learn how to play Mahjong. Even though I am terrible at board games, or card games (or cube games in this case), I will master it! He also sent me a floppy wolf stuffed animal, the soundtrack to Fight Club and Matrix Revolutions.
Saturday I went to see the lights over the lake. We went to the hotel by the lake and stood under the tall building with a huge, no fat cement balcony that made me dizzy when I looked up at it. Of course I get a thrill from doing stuff like that so I kept looking up and feeling like I was going to fall...up. The water was spooky cool to look at because it was glossy black. But the important part of the show was to look at the lights shaped like Santa, nutcrackers, reindeer, and carosels. that seemed to float on the water.
Later that night mom and I went to Haystings (never take me to a bookstore during the holidays) I went nuts, pulling out every thing I wanted, I might as well have built a fort out of books and DVD's. They had Jon Stuart's book America, a version of the Da Vinci Code with pictures, and a 25th anniversary edition hitchhikers guide to the galaxy-with pictures ( okay so I am visual I need picture books). There was all sorts of Anime I wanted to rent: Trigun, Ceres, Fushigi Yugi, Gungrave, Chobits, Gravitation, Witch hunter Robin. In spite of the fact that this bookstore has a heafty Christian section they managed to squeeze in a small New-Age books section. As I was looking through all the pagan books, trying to figure out which one I wanted for X-mas, I found a small piece of paper that had information about a church, Jesus, "its not to late to turn away from sin" crap. WTF yo. I found two different versions of these pamphlets in pagan books and several Jesus books strategically placed throughout the shelf. Oh what a laugh, to think that someone thinks that this will make a person turn away from the pagan section. It reminds me of an interesting quote I found by Anne Dillard:

Eskimo: "If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to
hell?"
Priest: "No, not if you did not know."
Eskimo: "Then why did you
tell me?"

So anyways I forgot to mention that I missed most of Chanukah (Hannukah). I was real gung ho about it to, wanting to celebrate it with tradition. But I was so busy lately I forgot when Chanukah was. It wasn't until mom told me that Chanukah was already four days in that I started crying because I was supposed to know when Chanukah starts (of course it didn't help that mom didn't tell me about it, but I don't blame her as much as I do myself). We were able to get out the menorah and light seven of the eight candles tonight. I said the prayers better than I did last year. But we have not had a chance to make potato latkes and matza ball soup. I am happy though because we are going to make up for it. Mom promised to take me to temple next Friday (my second time ever), and David promised to get me a dreidle.

Well I might not check my email or blog all that often since I am writing this from my mom's computer and wont get my keyboard back for a while.

Here are two blessings I said tonight:
Baruch ata Ado-noi Elo-heinu melech ha-olam, Asher kid-shanu bi-mitzvo-sav, Vi-tzee-vanu li-had-leek ner shel Chanukah.
Blessed are You, the Lord our G-d, King of the universe, Who sanctified us with His commandments, and commanded us to kindle the Chanukah light.
Baruch ata Ado-noi Elo-heinu melech ha-olam, Shi-asa nee-seem la-avo-seinu, Baya-meem ha-haim baz-man ha-zeh.
Blessed are You, the Lord our G-d, King of the universe, Who made miracles for our forefathers, in those days at this season.

I really love the Hebrew language, love the way it sounds.
God bless all and happy holidays.

Servant of the Bones

2004-12-09T21:18:00.000-08:00

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
I finished reading another Anne Rice novel. She is another one of my favorite authors. Hmmm, I believe she ranks #1 so far in my top five list. I never really arranged a top five list, I probably have two other authors at #1 at this rate (Douglas Adams is one of 'em). But I am working my way through reading all the Anne Rice novels (which is a lot of books). I own the first five of the vampire series, The Witching Hour (still need to finish reading), and Cry to Heaven.
The latest book I read by her was Servant of the Bones. A fantastic journey of a spirit-genii through the centuries from the time of Cyrus the Persian in ancient Babylon to the 1990's. The spirits name is Azriel, who was a Jewish man in life but was cursed by a Hebrew spell that turned him into The Servant of the Bones. He served whatever master he choose. He was a violent and murderous spirit up until the time he witnessed the murder of an innocent woman, daughter of an extreamly powerful cult leader. It is a perfectly sensuous and intimate tale with lots of history, spirit, and adventure.

This is an interesting quote from the book that I thought was neat because of the intimate depiction of a God (whether the spirit was a god or not). This is what the spirit says to Azriel when Azriel was still alive.

"...Azriel, you are the dearest friend of my heart that I have ever
had. I won't leave you. Make me appear if you need me to frighten
them or stop them. Make me appear and I will try. But I won't leave
you, I am your god, you own god, your god, and I'll be with you."

My own god....Thats how I like to think of it.

My next book on my reading list is Practical Magic by Alice Hoffman. I own Practical Magic the DVD and it is one of my favorite movies. This book I checked out from the library (along with Servant of the Bones). If I could I'd be buying these books instead, the same way my brother buys a DVD before ever seeing the movie in the theater or renting it. Or the way my friend Nicole buys tons of Manga. That way I don't have to worry about the damn late fees I always get stuck with lol. :P

Bizzarrely Inexplicable

2004-12-04T20:15:00.000-08:00

"There is a theory, which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarrely inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened."--Douglas Adams-The Restaurant at the end of the Universe
I LOVE the Hitchhiker's Guide series!

Sad Sleepy Day

2004-11-27T22:11:00.000-08:00

Oh, I feel shitty. But thats because I was emotionally beat up today. One of those times when my mom yells at me where she's not entirely wrong but then again not entirely right (two sided argument between Scorpio mother and Scorpio daughter-ouch!).It happens. If I can get some sleep I will feel better. I've been needing sleep for a couple of days now. Good job Insomnia! Oi, waiting for my laundry to finish. Thanksgiving was uneventful. I made up my own unconventional prayer. Turkey was good though and the pumpkin pie. Uh, now I know I am exhausted when I write in choppy sentences.

I watched four new movies this week.

The Terminal-good, didn't like the ending that much though
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind-OK, didn't like the characters, but it was neat to see Jim Carry in a softer role.
Harry Potter-good, choppy scenes, should of made it longer so that the plot could make more sense
Shrek 2-AWSOME MOVIE-timeless music, loveable characters, so much fun, a sequel done the right way.

Hmmmmmm.....Thats all.

Bonsai Potato

2004-11-23T18:52:00.000-08:00

Of all the things to get for my birthday I get a kit to make Bonsai Potatoes. I love it. All I have to do is get a potato stick it on the stand and hide it in some dark place for a couple of weeks to a month. Doesn't need anything Bonsai Potatoes can take care of themselves all I would need to do is prune it. So a great scientific experiment to see if this works.
List of other presents I got:

Bookmark with Chinese symbol for Curage
Mouth glows
Dream Dictionary
Sweater
gloves
pink bling bling watch from Grandma
Earring Magic Ken*
Superstar Ken*

Now in case some don't remember or don't have a clue, I wrote a blog update a while back about the gay Ken doll. Most facinating thing, that there was a Ken doll that wore clothes that (back in the 80's) CLEARLY ment your gay (especially with the purple mesh shirt and purple leather vest and the cock ring necklace!). Matel eventually took Earring Magic Ken off the market. My mom however bough EM Ken of E-bay and got (made in the 70's) Superstar Ken for free! Superstar Ken has broken glasses, but what a perfect match anyways. I have never been a collector but I am a nut for contraversy which is why I had to have my own gay Ken doll. I watched part of a TV special the other day about how the creator of Barbie got her idea from a European woman-doll for ADULT men. Funny how millions of girls have tried to live up to the body image of what was originally a sex toy.

Today is my BIRTHDAY!

2004-11-21T12:04:00.000-08:00

I am now eighteen! ATE-TEEN! No, seriously I am not that excited yet. I don't think it will really sink in for another couple of days. It's become one of those 'look back on my life', lost in thought birthdays. But that's okay. It's been a long time since I last updated the blog. Part because of my busy life, part because I have been having trouble with my internet. So I am a little out of touch with my old blogging habit. So much has not been documented. Halloween; the election outcome; The surge of Americans who want to migrate to Canada; Learning the inner workings of Julie's mind (who I didn't really like to much till she told me what was happening in her life); The Da Vinci Code; The ANTI Da Vinci Code (was stupid); my moms birthday; political bullshit; Religious bullshit; Team America: World Police (was the Pimp shit!); Desperate Housewives and Boston Legal (is awesome!); Nicole is addicted to buying Manga (which is expensive); moms late night leg cramps; my Geometry grade scare (I thought I was getting a D when I actually got a C); and all the other headaches and whatnot that lead to today, the first day of my eighteenth year of life. Gawd, I hope I didn't leave anything out. Today I am sharing my birthday with Liz, whose real birthday is tomorrow. I doubt she'll stay long because I turned her down on the 'going to triple play' thing and I am sure that pissed her off. But the total exchange of gifts will happen today. We got a whole bunch of kiddy stuff to play with for the party. We plan to Pimp up some Gingerbread houses. My mom called today "Barbie burning party" last time to celebrate youth before we cross over the threshold of adulthood. Whatever, she put duckies on my cake and ribbons on pink and purple cone party hats. She refuses to let me set an actual barbie on fire dammit! Uh well, I am eighteen now. I will be spending the entire week listing my newfound privileges. Go Me!

More mystic poetry

2004-10-21T15:31:00.000-07:00

This is how I have been feeling lately....
---------------
Do you think I know what I'm doing?
That for one breath or half-breath I belong to myself?
As much as a pen knows what it's writing,
or the ball can guess where it's going next.
--------------
--Jelaluddin Rumi

trying to find time to update

2004-10-17T18:45:00.000-07:00

Who sees inside from outside?
Who finds hundreds of mysteries even where minds are deranged?
See through his eyes what he sees.
Who then is looking out from his eyes?

--Jelaluddin Rumi

2004-10-10T15:57:00.000-07:00

Churchsign

2004-10-10T15:56:00.000-07:00

Churchsign

Mysticism 101

2004-10-08T20:36:00.000-07:00

Mysticism--is meditation, prayer or theology focused on the direct experience of union with divinity, God, or Ultimate Reality, or the belief that such experience is a genuine and important source of knowledge.

1. There is a Reality beyond the material world
A. which is uncreated
B. It pervades everything
C. But remains beyond the reach of human knowledge and understanding

2. You approach that reality by
A. Distinguishing ego from true self
B. understanding the nature of desire
C. becoming unattached
D. Forgetting about preferences
E. Not working for personal gain
F. letting go of thoughts
G. Redirecting your attention
H. Being devoted
I. being humble
J. invoking that reality
K. surrendering
3. That reality approaches you through
A. Grace
B. The Teacher
4. Your transformed so that you embody that reality by
A. dying and being reborn
B. Seein the light
C. experiencing union
D. experiencing freedom

Mysticism is a wide ranging belief that has roots in many different religions; some of these religions are:
Judaism
Christianity
Islam
Hinduism
Buddhism
Taoism

Sources: Wikipedia: Mysticism and Mysticism in World Religions

I am not alone

2004-10-03T14:10:00.000-07:00

Satisfaction ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. In the knowledge that not everyone in my school is a bible thumpin Republican (sigh of relief). I found out that there are students that started up a website where those of us that are in the category of 'others' may gripe about the gross injustices of our school. I put up a link in the links side bar but you can also access the site here....Post Falls Uncensored

Anywho, I have set up an account at DeviantART website. I'm mostly selecting favorites but if I want to I can post my own work of art be it drawing, painting, computerized, poetry or prose, etc.

I have been continuing my research for colleges. Looking at the required courses at NIC as well as the general courses offered at various Universities. I have been checking out Wikipedia about various religious mysticism and my mom bought me a book on Sufism at Borders yesterday.

We watched 'Super Size Me' an awesomely gross movie that verifies my theory's that America is the most evil corrupt, manipulative nation in the world and has been so ever since European so called "discovered" the rich continent. oi, I don't wanna get myself started.

well thats all. Big planning for Halloween comming up. I think I am going to make invitations. (singing songs from Nightmare before X-mass) This is halloween, this is halloween, everybody screams in the dead of night. In our town we call home, everyone hail to the pumkin song, la la la la la la I don't know all the lyrics in the right order...la la la la la....

This is so trippy I use that smiley all the time

2004-09-30T15:27:00.000-07:00

You Are "Wow"!

What Japanese Smiley Are You?

ohhh, worship me

2004-09-30T15:14:00.000-07:00

You're Brigitte Bardot!

What Classic Pin-Up Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Listen Listen

2004-09-29T18:49:00.000-07:00

I am not all that good at poetry and I don't do it that often. I wrote this a while back when i was in one of my more psychotic moods. I had a fever in my fifth period U.S. History class. Well enjoy...

Listen Listen
Commotion
surrounded
They with loudness and laughter
spoken to each other
I am quiet
hushed by my madness
yet on the inside
without reason
SCREAM
They hear none of it at all
surrounded
commotion
listen listen
I am quiet
My madness is loud

Ph.D

2004-09-26T19:34:00.000-07:00

With growing curiosity I have been researching college options. As obvious to my future I will be attending North Idaho College before I move on to any university. But beyond that being a junior with the thought process of a senior, I am naturally considering these things. I know for a fact now that career choices change each year. So does my educational intrests begin to narrow to specific topics. Theology, philosophy, Sociology, History and studying abroad. Here is a list of universities that I have looked at and so far like.

Washington State University--offers intensive japanese studies as well as many philosophy courses

University of Washington--Japan studies 'n Jewish Studies 'n more

California Institute of Integral Studies--Ph.D in humanities with emphasis in religion and philosophy. Very spiritually aware college.

Temple University Japan--semester exchange program

Tsukuba University Japan--College of International Studies, College of Human Sciences

I've looked at many other colleges but they didn't have what I wanted. Alot of them where far too Christian, Catholic or Jewish and though I am intrested in religion, I do not want to become a minister. I am interested in a career that will get me out of the country, travel explore, research. I like the idea of being a college professor however if I take courses in education I might have to do some Student teacher program in a high school, and that would suck. I will never be a high school teacher. Its bad enough being a high school student. I watched Mean Girls which was very good and very truthful to how things are in a high school. The statement Cady (Lynsay Lohan) made about teachers not trusting you affected me. Just because there are jackass students in a high school the rest of us are affected and so the teachers do not trust us. Probably a big reason why I want to go to college, I've idolized the college atmosphere as not having that no trust policy. I mean if your a jackass in college they just kick you out right? Well anyways like I've said before, career choices change each year, last year I wanted to get into the bookstore business and write. Year before that I was interested in Criminology. This year my ideal future is to get a Ph.D I have been doing alot of research on Ph.D and what it involves. What I can do with a Ph.D and what areas I can get a Ph.D. Mostly what different schools I can attend that will direct me towards a Ph.D. well thats all I need to go eat. My three movie recomendations:

Mean Girls

Kaena: The Prophesy

Napoleon Dynamite--still in some theaters

kick 'em high Baby!

2004-09-25T19:35:00.000-07:00

modesty

Pure Land Mountain-Utilikilts

2004-09-25T09:56:00.000-07:00

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I love this! Utilikilts! Utilikilts! I found them on Brady's Weblog. I want to get one for my brother (bwa hahaha). SO Awsome. Anywho I saw Kaede the Prophesy and Mean girls last night. Kaede was good it had a Titan AE meats Final Fantasy quality. Plus there where these wierd sap creatures that DD described as a Alien, Predator and the Blob hybrid. Kaede was all boobs throughout the movie. She even had two round cirlcles on her forehead. There was also this one part that just made me and DD go wild with laughter. The boy had heard one of the worms in the movie talk so later on in the movie he was talking in his sleep and he said, "hey big boy..." DD and I where like WTF? and then he said "...I know you can talk."
Mean Girls was awsome, so true, so true and very funny. Some of it made me rethink some things that went down in my high school. Well I gotta go I need to clean up my room. This past week has been hectic and my room suffered from it. Later on today I plan to go with my friends to see Napoleon Dynamite then after that moms' gonna take me to Borders YAY! I've been wanting to see Jon Stuart's book, America (The Book). Anyways I'll post my favorite pictures of the Utilikilts later on, its just so awsome, seriously.

Pure Land Mountain

SLUT!

2004-09-22T18:08:00.000-07:00

I love my 1st and 2nd period teachers. First off earlier this week we started reading The Scarlet Letter in my english class, saposedly the most boring book in the world. But one wouldn't know that in MY english class. Especially if Mr. Hoskins skips reading unimportant paragraphs and pages as well as yelling out 'SLUT!" to give us an example of what hussy ment and what the towns people where yelling at Hester Prynne. SLUT, WHORE, BRAZEN HUSSY! It is a treat to hear such words comming out of a teacher's mouth. He makes the book exciting, we don't even have to read it, just listen to him and we get a more colorful image of the book. Today I walked into class and found a stick figure drawing of Hester Prynne standing behind the church house with all the other stick figure women yelling at her 'slut' 'hussy' in little bubbles.
Earlier today My Sociology teacher Mr. Amende passed the time away telling us the story of his early romance misadventures even his most amazing mistake. Once he even paid for the college tuition and rent money for an entire year for a girl he was dating. He didn't love her. he wasn't even living in the same apartment. As well as the fact that later on he started two timing her with another woman.Though he didn't see it as all that bad, a funny story to tell of his wild youth. Balancing two relationships for two years. I'm sure it would sound better comming from him than me writing it. Anyways, we asked him tons of questions to avoid taking notes and doing real work. He told us how he met his wife, how she waved him off and ignored him so he dated her friend instead. How in the beginning she even hated him before they fell in love and got married.
I have anothe great teacher too, Mr. Blowers. But the funny things that come out of him is the brutal ugliness of Christian American history that I in particular find funny in an evil sort of way. The Evangelical Christian and Catholic churches have justified alot of brutal ugliness in the past steming from Europe to the rest of the world; Indulgences...Slavery...Genocide...to name a few. Do christians in this day an age realize that they in a way represent that disgrace; especially when they put their nose up and treat 'others' like shit? I hate the fact that in America you are either Christian or 'other'. God I have so much to say on this subject and other subjects that are on my mind right now but I don't have enough time tonight.
May all the Christians and others find a common ground where diversity is no more than an aspect of unity. Blessed Be, Amen.

First time using Blog This!

2004-09-18T16:38:00.000-07:00

I've been sick and feverish lately. I don't want to be around anything human today. hmm all the same I am bored and lonely. Damn kids from school or bus...Gave me a cold, ear infection or something I am sure of it. Always happens right when I go back to school. I drew a picture of Jesus scolding Judas yesterday. I was inspired by my talk with Dave about his blog update. I was also inspired by Jesus Christ Superstar because that's what my drawings looked like. I watched the Ewok movie today. I am going to watch an old Star Wars movie I found, it has Ewok's in it too. Ewok's are kewl. They are like a wild Warrior native version of Snuggles. I'll try and draw an Ewok today. Bored...Brain feels hot. Last night I wrote a nasty message to Jimmy in the IM. Fever made me do it I swear. He never answered me back so for all I know he never got it. Its just I saw him yesteday for the first time in like months (well actually I just saw his back). He was on the IM later that night and I got pissed. Boys piss me off, I scare boys. I don't think I wrote about the one guy in my History class. I was very hungry and feverish wednsday. Close to end of the class the boy next to me kept wacking his bottle making noises. I looked up at him and he noticed so he bopped me on the arm. I yelled at him, "WHAT?" he said "Nothing." Then I said, "Well you obviously want SOME kind of attention!" I scared him so he then mumbled "nothing im just bored." Everyone looked at me. I was so queasy I didn't care. He asked me for paper the next day so isn't mad at me. I asked the boy down the street if he was reading my book. He was. Tried to keep his cool. At least he isn't being a butt about it. He was the one I wrote emails to. Last week sucked, the only good thing about it was that I made a new friend. There are rumors my donkey may have survived the gunshot. I am hopeful. I remember before the donkey I had a monster named Brian. Don't know what happened to him (don't ask why I named him Brian it just is). Anyways this Blog This! Thing is cool. Helps you update your blog from other peoples blog and can link em. Check out daves blog and send him a comment (makes him feel special) he wants to know peoples reactions to the passage he posted. Its cool. I have yet to understand it though. Of course whenever I think of Jesus now I think of him singing or I think of that Dumb ass movie Mel Gibson made. What was with the androgynous Devil and Midget?
Bushido sushi bar

My new friend

2004-09-16T18:39:00.000-07:00

Ohhhhh! I have a new friend! I've been lonely lately waiting for the bus and when I ride the bus because I don't have any friends to talk to. Well I learned that a Japanese foreign exchange student has been riding the same bus. I ended up sitting next to her one time and I started talking to her. We got along real well she wrote her name down for me and I wrote my name down for her (in Japanese even). I wanted to kind of express to her that I am actually intrested in Japan as much as she is in America. So I told her I've practiced learning some of the language before and that I enjoy Manga and Anime in fact its very popular in America. I told her about the Manga I let her borrow Mars 1. I figure she would like to see an American Manga LOL. Today she and I waited for the bus together and compared the differences of American schools to Japanese schools. Like uniforms 'n such. Tomorrow she is going to return the Mars book and show me some pictures. I think she is as glad as I am to have some one to just hang with after school, a familiar face to turn to. It's depressing to stand somewhere by yourself when everyone else around you is talking in some group. I could imagine it being kind of scarey for her too because well, this place is foreign to her. She has trouble with her english but it is still by far impressive because she speaks better english than I do Japanese. No matter what its not like I'd be good enough in the language to attend a Japanese school in my senior year. By the end of the year she will be a pro. Oh her name is Hiroko and she is very sweet, little girl, Junior with short hair and glasses. I am very excited and hopeful of this new friendship. Hopefully I will learn some things from her as she will be learning from all of us.

Me, my dog and my Oprah style Haircut!

2004-09-13T19:41:00.000-07:00

Me, my dog and my new hairdo

Teacher is the Enemy

2004-09-13T17:56:00.000-07:00

Last night I consulted the cards to see what I should be expecting durring the new week. I read of an enemy and hard times and to be on the lookout. Well the only enemy that was apparent was my Geometry teacher. Here I was thinking that my donkey would survive when earlier today she shot him down with a semi automatic. Blam! (Read Ice cream makes it all better, if you don't get the donkey thing).You see it seems easy at first. You work on around 30-50 problems then have them stamped for completeness the next day. If you worked on all the problems you get 5 points and 3 if you only done half, 0 if you did 0. You go over your homwork and correct the wrong problems because at the end of the week she gives a easy little quiz where all you have to do is write down the answers a couple problems from the previous homework; this quiz is worth 25 points. easy enough, eh? Well today she gave us all notebooks that she called our 'tool kit'. In this 'tool kit' we are to write down notes from the book. We are not to draw pictures or tear out pages or else she will take away points. Well as I found out writing in my 'tool kit' took up the entire class time as well as homework time. This of course is added work that goes along with the 30-50 problems we already must work. Now this is the kind of teacher that will teach you how to do something after she has assigned and graded the homework. She has us fill out a yellow paper that has all of our assignments of the week. I believe this is to teach us to work on all our assignments over the weekend then keep up our tool kits over the week. Basically do the assignment then learn the right way to do it. Oh well my ass is dead thanks to teacher.

On a more happy note I wrote a little story about my friends and I. A uh, day in the life of, kind of thing. I'll update a copy of it later. I watched Oprah today. I HAVE OPRAH HAIR! Its so awsome she cut and curled her hair; it looks just like mine. 'cept mine wasn't curled its naturally curly. So now I know I am tready with my new hairdo that is just like Oprah's. Here's is a pic from today's amazing wish granting episode.

Oprah Hair

P.S. Oprah if your reading this send me one of those cars; Pleeeeesssseee!

Pieces of Kabbalah

2004-09-12T17:15:00.000-07:00

Ein Sof: The Infinate "Ein Sof represents the radical transcendence of God."
Ayin: Nothingness "Wisdom comes into being out of ayin" Job 28:12 Hebrew word ayin can also mean 'where'.

"Who am I? I am a mustard seed in the middle of the sphere of the moon, which itself is a mustard seed within the next sphere. So it is with that sphere and all it contains in relation to the next sphere. So it is with all the spheres-one inside the other-and all of them are a mustard seed within the further espanses. And all of these are a mustard seed within further expanses."

"God is one, God's secret is one, all the worlds below and above are all mysteriously one. Divine existence is indivisible."

"Ein Sof has no will, no intention, no desire, no thought, no speech, no action-yet there is nothing outside of it"

"The only one who knows, yet without knowing, is the highest desire, concealed of all concealed, Nothingness."

"...concerning Ein Sof, there is no aspect anywhere to search or probe; nothing can be known of it, for it is hidden and concealed in the mystery of absolute nothingness."

"...it is simple, and every simple thing is complex compared with its simplicity, it is called Ayin."

"Anything sealed and concealed, totally unknown to anyone, is called ayin, meaning that no one knows anything about it."

"When the emanation was emanated out of Ayin, all things and all sefirot were dependent on thought. God's secret existence emerged from this single point. That which abides in thought yet cannot be grasped is called wisdom: Hokhmah."

"God is infinite. No vessel can contain God, unless you think of yourself as Ayin."

"Moses hid his face, for he was in awe." 'Through his experience of awe, Moses attained the hiding of his face, that is, he percieved no independent self. Everything was part of divinity.'

these where excerpts from The Essential Kabbalah

Pokemon, Dimsum and then some

2004-09-10T19:55:00.000-07:00

WELL...This afternoon was QUITE an afternoon. First off Deedee came over and implored me to go with her to her brother's 20th birthday dinner. She was driving all of his high schooler friends and paying for his meal along with a $35 Pokemon video game. Going alone with these boys she would have been the fifth wheel to they're 'gotta catch 'em all' chatter. So we convinced my mom to let me go with. So all was well we went to Walmart first because Deedee had bought the WRONG Pokemon game the got the ruby red one and she was saposed to get the fire red one ('er something). We went to Top of China buffet and had a good time I ate some foul sushi and deedee got an odd fortune cookie. Now here comes the important part of the story...

On the way home we were all loud and laughing and singing oddball songs when Deedee and I heard something. Deedee told the boys to shut up and we heard the car rattling and it sounded like something came off. The car started smoking so Deedee pulled over off the freeway. We all got out except for deedee looking for the piece we thought had broke off when the car kept smoking. A man had pulled over in front of us, came over and told deedee to get out of the car it was on fire. He popped open the hood and started blowing on the engine and going under the car to fan it off with his hat. When he saw that the fire was gone he gave deedee his cell phone so that she could call her mom. After that the guy was gone. Soon after another car came to ask if we were alright and if we had called anybody. After that we heard sirens of a firetruck speeding down the other lane of the freeway. The truck did a massive U-turn to get to us then parked right in front of deedee's car. Firemen came out and asked us questions and looked at the car. One firman was super HOT couldn't take my eyes off a him. Well they took out their hose and sprayed the engine. Then a police car came and a stout man with an awsome patrol hat perched on the top of his head like he had outgrown it. He asked us some questions then stayed with us till Deedee's mom came. Deedee's mom had passed us on the other side of the freeway so we had to wait till she could get to us. Finally when she got to us deedees dad was in his car behind deedee's mom. When they got out we all grouped together around the car and discussed the damage. After that they're friend Davies drove us home and we told him about how the three boys were all pinching each others asses in the back seat of the car, which they were. So thats about it. Deedee is kicking herself for not geting the car checked sooner. However that very same day earlier she had told me a hottie from work asked her out. So I have been both congratulating her as well feeling sorry for her. Thats just how it is though. Get a date, loose your car. But hey, at least the rescue services are very prompt in Idaho.

Ice Cream makes everything all better

2004-09-09T17:10:00.000-07:00

Especially when its Blue Bunny's Peanut Butter Panic (Homer drool, aghhhhh). Today went better all my classes are faster pace now, except for Science and Word Processing. I am doing better keeping up in Geometry. Keeping up like a donkey tied to the back of a pickup truck speeding down a highway; but all the same the rope hasn't broke yet nor has the donkey died. So basically today has been my lucky day. Nicole switched to second lunch and that made me happy. Mom got two religious study books for free from the college and that made me happy. My brother sent a care package and that made me happy. So...I'm very happy! Hokay to start off Nicole has the first few books of the Alice 19th series (Manga:Japanese comic) so she is going to lend them to me. The two books that mom got are both green; one is called Exploring Religion by Roger Schmidt and the other, Six Ways of Being Religious by Dale Cannon. For those of you who don't know I hunger for knowing about various religions as much as I hunger for Ice cream(well if I had to choose between the two...I'd pick ice cream). As for the care package it was filled with Wild Oats dog cookies for Chewbacca and a deck of gypsy-witch fortune telling cards for mom. For me, David bought me a little box of gum that says on the box 'Boys are stupid, throw rocks at them!' with '...remember to aim!' on the side. Which is awsome I plan to show it off. He also sent me two pocket books; The Book of Five Rings by Miyamoto Musashi and The Art of War by Sun Tzu. David had already read them obviously by the fact that he has quoted Sun Tzu in his blog. I am excited because now I get to read them and I've been wanting to read them for a while now. I was the one who found Miyamoto Musashi off the Wikipedia site when I was looking up stuff about Bushido. As for Sun Tzu, he was Dave's discovery. I definately have alot of books to read now (unsure laugh hehe...he). I still haven't finished the Kabbalah book. Well in conclusion Ice cream not only makes everything better, with proper usage of Ice cream your day will become much luckier and you may even get free stuff, like I did. Sugested serving tip: eat Peanut Butter Panic with waffle cone; no toppings needed.

.......

2004-09-08T17:39:00.000-07:00

I HATE GEOMETRY! HATE IT WITH A PASSION!

First day of School of my Junior Year

2004-09-07T19:25:00.000-07:00

Well first off I had to take the yellow machine of transportation hell to school, aka the bus. It was a long and torturous trip with squabbling middle schoolers and freshmen surounding me and suffocating me. Normally the freshmen and other high schoolers are the quiet ones. But as of last year a girl from my neighborhood ( newly frosh) befriended the foulest speaking male youth I have ever heard. His wicked shit filled mouth of obscenities that even I would never utter due to the sexist, racial and just plain disgustingly crude and stupid content. And he sputters these phrases left and right on the bus and no matter how far away from him I am, I always manage to hear the crap that pours out of his mouth like a fount. As for the my neighbor, she is now the gigling girl at his side chiming in to gain his favor. If ever a boy spoke as such with me I would hit him with any object ranging from history book to desk, without hesitation (plus I have permission in my history class to do that).
First period was great I had my Sociology class and already I know I will thoroughly enjoy it. I know the teacher Amende, I've had him before. First discussion we had was about the theory that we do not have a personality outside the social context. Which spured thoughts about God's personality the Ten sefirot, dependent upon human participation.
Second period I had English III With Mr. Hoskins. A quiet man pleasent no bullshit type, we'll see how things go. He was the teacher Liz suggested to me and I chose him over Mr. Davis who would have been the easy 'I don't check for plagarism' teacher.
Third period I have the single semester Word Processing with Mr. Vordahl, snore. Seriously he is so monotone that he puts me to sleep. But if I score a B or above I can get college credit and go down to the community college to take a test for $45 to get my cirtificate thingy of which I forgot the name of but can get me alot of great jobs. (note to self look up name of cirtificate). Next semester I take Spreadsheet Applications with the same teacher and can get more college credit.
Fourth period I have U.S. History with Mr. Blowers. He is a great guy, way on the chunky side but has a fun sense of humor. He spoke to us about the elections as an example of why learning history is important. He told us about how the candidates were using the issue of Viet Nam to sway from speaking about important issues so that voters don't really know where they stand so they don't alienate part of the voters. Then he gave us a True/False quiz about U.S. History that had stuff about Christopher Columbus (the truth niisan), some stuff about Pilgrims, and there having been a gay president and first Lady; stuff about whether it is true or false that Native Americans in South Dakota lower themselves on ropes to pee into the noses of the presidents carved on the face of Mount Rushmore (True or False People?). All that fun stuff, I donno about other people but thats the kind of stuff I like to know about history, the scandalous things.
Lunch time is split up into two half hour periods; first lunch and second lunch so that all the students have a chance to eat. I have second lunch. Luckily enough so does Liz. It would be a pain to not be able to sit with my own group again. Nicole has first lunch, sucks to be her. But no I am sad about it. Lunch time though is a good time to observe sociology in action.
After Lunch I have two more lacking classes, possibly the worsed ones I'll be in. First in Fifth Period I have Practical Science III, with Mr. Allert. It won't be that bad, its the stupid science class because I am stupid at science. However I will have to put up with being surrounded by all around rowdy stupid people.
My last class sixth period is Geometry with Mrs. Smith. I know I am going to HATE IT! first of all we will be working in groups for the rest of the school year. I HATE WORKING IN GROUPS! It means that someone elses grade depends on my efforts as well as worst of all my grade depends on someone elses efforts. Not to mention the fact that she has assigned positions or jobs for each of us such as one person is the recorder etc, one is the task manager, one gets and distributes the assignments, etc. Bullshit! I function worse in groups. I prefer solitary work, I prefer to be responsible for my own work ALONE! and if I want to communicate with other students for help or anything I want to do it on my own terms. Funny for someone who is taking sociology I am not very social in the workplace. I am just territorial when it comes to mathmatics and science.
Well after ALL that we got out of school early, stupid road construction crews tore up the road to the high school so busses have to weave around a maze to pick up and drop off the students. While the other students that have cars have to wait till the busses are gone to drive out of the parkinglot. I met a freshman girl that rides the bus who has the same name as me, she was very nice. The neighbor boy that I wrote letters to, to tell him to cool off hasn't spoken to me yet. He is going to have to speak to me sometime he can't just ignore me forever. Either that or I will have to speak to him. Besides he still has my book he borrowed.

Words of wisdom---I start school tomorrow!

2004-09-06T19:58:00.000-07:00

The purpose of all the major religious traditions is not to construct big temples on the outside, but to create temples of goodness and compassion inside, in our hearts.-His Holiness The Dalai Lama, "The Good Heart"

Just detach from all sound and form, but do not dwell in detachment, and do not dwell in detachment, and do not dwell in intellectual interpretation-this is practice.As for reading scriptures and studying the doctrines, according to worldly conventions it is a good thing, but from the perspective of one who is aware of inner truth, it chokes people. Even those in the tenth stage cannot escape completely; they flow into the river of birth and death.-Pai-chang

Some realize the Self within them through the practice of meditation, some by the path of wisdom, and others by selfless service.Others may not know these paths; but hearing and following the instructions of an illumined teacher, they too go beyond death.-Bhagavad Gita 13:24-25

The ultimate Consciousness is always present everywhere.It is beyond space and time,with not before or after.It is undeniable and obvious.So what can be said about it?-Abhinavagupta

"The greatest impediment to the human spirit results from the fact that the conception of God is fixed in a particular form, due to childish habit and imagination."--Daniel C. Matt, The Essential Kabbalah.

crow grins from the roof
something red in his beak
--my tomato!
--by Robert Brady—Pure Land Mountain

I am filled with the light of Christ, strobe light that is

2004-09-05T22:27:00.000-07:00

I just bust up laughing everytime I see the Passion of Christ products being sold in stores. There is authentic replica coins from Jesus' day saposedly symolizing the coins Judas was paid, sold at Walmart. There are two Passion of Christ inspired music CDs; and my most favorite the little strobe light crucifixes that flash in bright little colors on each of the four points of the cross. I am tempted to buy one for Halloween but the little cracker jack necklace costs almost two $$. Their not really worth that much. Oh well, the next time I go to Walmart I'll probably buy one anyways. Speaking of Halloween I need to come up with a costume. Last year I was an angel (a little out of character for me), the year before that I was a vampire, before that a devil, witch, crazy-in-a-straight-jacket; hmm what to be this year? I need a costume that will go with my new wild, short haircut. Maybe I'll spray die my hair and paint myself to look like an alien. Or maybe I should be a wild-woman, a canibal, or even a starwars bounty hunter. The easiest costume I can put together is a gypsy-witch outfit. Well I figured I should throw those ideas out in the open in case someone has another to add or just want to share what their plans are for Halloween. This year we are growing our own pumpkins; along with corn, tomatoes, watermellon and cantelope. We've already harvested many of the corn cobs and most of the tomatoes are still green. But the Corn tastes so good you can just pick it and eat it right off and it tastes so sweet. Our neighbor gave us some squash, I haven't tried it yet but my mom said it was really good. Earlier today we went to the hay fields across the street to take pictures of my new haircut. All of the hay has already been bound up and are scattered across the field in their huge rectangle bundles. A perfect background. Well gotta go, getting tired. Blessed be this bountiful harvest season, Amen.

Special

2004-09-04T22:04:00.000-07:00

" According to Kabbalah, every human action here on earth affects the divine realm, either promoting or hindering the union of Shekhinah and her partner-the Holy One, blessed be he. God is not static being, but dynamic becoming. Without human participation, God remains incomplete, unrealized. It is up to us to actualize the divine potential in the world. God needs us."---The Essential Kabbalah: The heart of Jewish mysticism, by Daniel C. Matt

Today we cleaned out the garage; separated the keepers from stuff going to Goodwill. I finally got to see pictures of my uncle's house. My uncle George is a doctor, his wife's a doctor and their family live like millionaires. They are building a mansion like estate somewhere in North Carolina. So you get the idea its gonna be a really, really nice house. I saw pictures of my little cousin Preston who is adorable; he is about the same age as my neighbor's son Nicholas. They're kind of the only kids I like, George's family and my Neighbors Steve and Tanya's family. I really don't like much of the other kids in the neighborhood. My brother's girlfriend has a thing for children; she had once worked in a daycare. I don't know how she could stand it; I know she didn't like it most of the time. Ugh, other peoples children, well actually, children that are raised by other people. Though I am against having children of my own; if I ever consider myself fit as a mother (meaning well off enough to build my own house like George's) I'll probably adopt. Any child of mine would either end up like my father, my mom, my brother or worse yet like me. With my strong views of world population being stupidly high and with all the starving little children in the world; I don't see the need for me to bring in another one that will probably someday become a republican just to spite me, God forbid. With adopting, at least I don't have to worry about its genes being my fault. Then the kid can only blame me for everything else that's wrong with 'em. My mother didn't think about that when she had me so I have more to blame her for.

This is weird I went from Kabbalah, to the sum of my day, to future children, yech! Those damn Palm readers. I posted the above quote because it is the very part that got me interested in reading the rest of the book. In a way it touches on a belief or theory I had before I ever opened the book. My theory that God is the purest element of love both complete and incomplete. But he is also vulnerable in that way. We were created in his image; thus God is as vulnerable and as strong as a human being. All emotions ranging from hate to compassion are branches of what I call the core emotion: love. 'God is not a static being, but dynamic becoming'. Thus there is a necessity in our being because of the divine similarity. Nobody likes to be lonely. ‘Without human participation God remains incomplete, unrealized.’ The very movement, growth, activity of earth affects the sefirot (‘stages of divine emanation, aspects of God’s personality’). ‘It is up to us to actualize the divine potential in the world. God needs us.’ One of my principle beliefs is that we affect the outcome of our realities as well as God's reality.

Hindu Wisdom and the Mayor of Hope

2004-09-02T20:38:00.000-07:00

The no-mind state is not the vacancy of idiocy but the most supremely alert intelligence, undistracted by extraneous thought.---Ramesh Balsekar

Reprinted with permission from "The Wisdom of the Hindu Gurus," edited by Timothy Freke, published by Godsfield Press.

I think that was the state I was in last night, definately no-mind. Well at least I am not insane anymore. I was pretty much insane from 10 o' clock last night till 3 this afternoon. When my mom came home she told me about some guy thats in the same business class as her. This guy was suposedly a jerkwad and called himself the Mayor of Hope, some little town in Washington. When asked how many people lived in that town he said 73. Everyone laughed at him. Hearing that brought me back to sanity. I've been stressed out lately over a boy that lives down the street. I had to write a few emails to him to set a few boundries. He'll be fine a little pissed off but he'll get over it. Mom is making me diet. No ramen, no bread, no rice, no carbs...its really annoying. Everyone tells me I'm pretty I don't need to diet, mom tells me I'm pretty I need to diet. I tell me I'm pretty let me eat what I want. There is a hottie that works at Denny's. Though I am having trouble picturing him in a good or non-humorous light because of his all too perky waiter attitude. Waiters and waitresses shouldn't be perky; nice, friendly but not (I can't unhinge my jaw to stop smiling) perky. Uh well, Thanks for comming, Have a nice Day, please come again soon for friday's special weblog entry. ^-^

Headache

2004-09-01T22:31:00.000-07:00

Angry...Bitchy...Queasy...yet I am insistant on staying up late. Good day, but bad night. I wrote a whole other update that was random insanity and kindof freaky. I don't know where my mind went but its not here tonight. Head hurtz...hate men. Hate Humans...like friends....but their like me...not human. I am ashamed to call myself human. I belong in some planet like in Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. I like dog...not human. Hate kids...Hate kids. Want carbs...hate diets. My toes are pissing me off. The burn on my arm is pissing me off. Why the hell am I not flame proof? Oven proof. (I somewat passed out for three minutes) I was angrier earlier now I am just depressed and crazy. Will watch Labrynth now, I borrowed the movie from Deedee. Pray for me I kant seem to find my sanity tonight. It's Bush's fault, th' bastard. g'night.

Two updates in one day WOW I am on a roll ^o^

2004-08-30T17:53:00.000-07:00

Anywho...today mom cut my hair! YAY! Its short to my shoulders, layered, and in bigger curls. It looks awsome. Later on in the afternoon I went to pay school fees and pick up my final schedule and locker number and combinations. The line was stupidly long as usual. There was less of a wait for a ride at the fair than there was here. I was in the line for over an hour only to find out that they put Freshman pictures on our ID cards. Oh well, went to get Ice cream and Ella Enchanted afterwards and that cheered me up. Not to mention the fact that you can't stay annoyed when you have a cool new haircut ^-^. I am now reading The Essential Kabbalah: The heart of Jewish Mysticism by Daniel C. Matt. I like it better than moms purple Kabbalah book because I can understand this one better. I am suposed to be reading Musashi's Book of Five Rings (a Bushido/Kendo kind of Book). but I am a spastic reader. I tend to start reading one book, stop, start reading another book until finished or stop there and pick up the first one to finish then finish the second book. When I was reading the Essential Kabbalah book I read a passage out loud to mom and she handed me a highlighter. now I have been highlighting all sorts of 'Essential' passages in the book. This is kinda new to me because marking up books was something I never really did before. With school books, If there is even a fold in a page of a school book that cannot be proven to of been there before I got it then I am fined $2--$25. I also never had a reason to markup books I own. So this is cool I am finding out that Ecstatic Kabbalah has an element of Sufism in it. The Zohar was composed by Moses DeLeon n' other cool things. I borrowed Liz's Rent CD and and I love it. I saved the music to my Computer. My favorite songs are 'Light my Candle', 'Today 4 U', and 'Over the Moon'. Well thats all for now folks. Later'...

Fun at the Fair

2004-08-30T13:19:00.000-07:00

Well I am overdue with this update. A couple a days ago I went to the Fair with my friends. Mom went with Deedee's mom and I went with Deedee, Liz, and Megbob (I am finally starting to use names on this, tried not to but what the hell). We had a good time the moms went to do their own thing and we wandered around doing ours. But eventually Deedee and I got separated from Liz and Megbob while we were looking for some matching skull necklaces like we had gotten last time. She and I then wandered through the goat exibit and the chicken exibit. We had our palms read electronically by a computer. Later on we met up with Liz and Megbob again. Liz went to have the happy/sad drama faces in rainbow colors airbrush tattooed on her arm. Then we found the moms and chatted with them for awhile. Liz and Megbob took off again so Deedee and I went to get chocolate covered cheesecake on a stick (Homer Drool). I acidentally blurted out 'God-dammit' in front of some political/religious nuts. Oh and I Won a purple unicorn at the throwing darts at balloons game ( I am listing here not flowing very well sorry, trying to remember all the good parts). Deedee and I then found awsome Skull bracelets (well actually I think they were anklets because mine can fit on my ankle). Classical Christan Acadamy the ol' dumbass Hypocritical Christian (we pretend we teach your kids in the 'classical' God fearing manor as we soak up your money) school, had a booth there too. Mom and I visited it and saw that the guy that was running the booth was a big talking stuttering well I have a degree in business with emphasis on teaching dur...Dumbass! Not to mention the fact that one of the parents of an old friend of mine that attended the school is now the Headmaster of the school. Jesus! That place is going to hell ( and I have EVERY right to say that). Well later than that I decided to have my palm read for real. Last time I had my palm read the lady said that it would take me a while before I get settled into one specific job and that I would have 3 kids. This time another palm reader tells me that I will meet someone who truly loves me for me in my most difficult and different class this year. She told me that it would take time to get to the point of traveling or between each time I travel; and that I have 2 children in my future possibly twins. Oh and to not worry about financial issues everything will be hokay. After that when it started getting late and all us girls were getting tired, we started playing with the balloon I got from the Christian school guy (Cough loser!). We sucked in the helium to make our voices high however it didn't work to well with me, I must have been doing it wrong. But all in all it was a great last hurrah. I got my skull anklet, my pony and mouth glows for halloween. Deedee and Liz got incense and incense burners. Megbob just had way to much fun with that helium because she started stealing more balloons from other booths. As for the moms, they had fun checking out guys and I think they snuck in fruit punch Jack Daniels to the Fair. I donno, I just remember them driving off just the two of them making us wait at Deedee's house before we all went to the fair.

Another Piece of Buddhist Wisdom

2004-08-29T18:26:00.000-07:00

As free human beings we can use our unique intelligence to try to understand ourselves and our world. But if we are prevented from using our creative potential, we are deprived of one of the basic characteristics of a human being.---His Holiness the Dalai Lama

From "The Pocket Dalai Lama," edited by Mary Craig, 2002. Reprinted by arrangement with Shambhala Publications, Boston, www.shambhala.com.

Beliefnet.com

New Poll in Side Bar

2004-08-27T12:10:00.000-07:00

Daily Buddhist Wisdom

2004-08-27T11:25:00.000-07:00

Master your senses,
What you taste and smell,
What you see,
what you hear.
In all things be a master
Of what you do and say and think.
Be free.
Are you quiet?
Quieten your body.
Quieten your mind.
By your own efforts
Waken yourself,
watch yourself,
And live joyfully.
Follow the truth of the way.
Reflect upon it.Make it your own.
Live it.
It will always sustain you.
-from the Dhammapada
---Beliefnet.com

Inside joke, "Mr. Davis Likes Pens"

2004-08-26T17:04:00.000-07:00

I am Fecking setting myself up for a school year long headache. I had the easy English teacher, ya know the one who'll let you out of class for an hour. But nooooo I stupidly volunteered to have the hard teacher, the kind that doesn't take crap and demands effort that wasn't cut and pasted off a cheat site. Not that I would do that, I just remember having the easy teacher before as a history teacher; I turned in the same damn assignment every time always got an A. Well Liz suggested the hard teacher so I'm going for it. I am also taking two computer classes that for a fee can turn into college credit. I am taking Word processing which is worth around 5 credits and Spredsheet apps. which is worth about 3 credits. I tried to get my schedule changed so that I could have Arobics but it didn't happen. I will have to take Arobics in my senior year. On another freakish note, the same weirdo from school kept running into me. Now lemme give you a mental picture (sorry but you need to have the full effect in order to understand). This guy is big, tall and round geek type with an indistructable build, or so he claims. High and mighty about his 'experiences' that made him the tough guy he is, ' I've been shot at, I've been attacked by wolves, blah blah blah..." and loves to brag. Has an extreme fetish with fantasy novels which tells you alot about the fantasy frame of thought he lives in. As well as having the typical Christian upraising that leaves him un accepting of any other docterine and automatically assuming that becuase someone is nice they must be Christian; right? This FANtastic piece of work is determined to get me to call him, so much so I have recieved his phone number four times once even when I told him I already have it. I try to be polite, to be honest I don't mind conversing with him but I do not want a close personal relationship with him. Hugs are a no-no that I am having trouble conveying to this constant Geekling. All the same he bothers me so, being hugged by him reminds me of being hugged by my dad (they are around the same size). Well enough about this.
The fair is comming up, I just called Liz so she and I are going together and my mom is going with her friend. This will probably be the one big last hurrah before I start school. I wish my other friends could go with us but I think they are working that night. Uh well, tonight I am going to watch Snow White...the horror version.

THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!

2004-08-24T13:34:00.000-07:00

Oh, yeah. Some good ol' Exorcism fun. The reason why children between the ages of eight and thirteen scare me (shiver). It is always around that age that they start to spasm and spew out pea soup, contorting their bodies as they yell out obcenities. I went to see the new movie yesterday which wasn't all that creepy, just very gross. I think I was more freaked out when I watched Godsend. But anywho, my mom and I snuck into another show an watched The princess Diaries which was really good. That is if you drown out the noisy boys that for some odd reason came to see the same movie (pause to frown in confusion). Oh, and speaking of Christ. I borrowed my friend Liz's, DVD of Jesus Christ Superstar and am now addicted. I mean I was already a fan of Andrew Lloyd Weber musicals from listening to Phantom of the Opera, Cats and Evita, but now I've got a new obsession. both my friend and I eagerly anticipate The Phantom of the Opera Movie that will be in theaters around X-mass. I also have a new favorite food from Super 1 market, it is the Chicken Bowtie pasta. It is like soooooooo good. you eat it cold like potato salad. I start school soon. I already have my schedule. Liz had emailed me a set of very beautiful Senior pictures to choose from so I am excited about that. However she will be taking an English class at the community college so she will be leaving school early each day. Damn. That means I will have to try and find someone else to give me a ride. Most likely I will have to ride the bus home. Uh well, found a site that teaches you how to pray in Hebrew. I am excited about that it was fun to hear the guy sing out the words. Baruch Ata Adonai Eloheinu Melech Haloam Hamotzi Lechem Meen Haaretz 'Blessed are you Oh lord, our god, King of the Universe who brings forth bread from the earth.' Cool haw! I will put up the link to it next time, I need to go for now. Shalom.

Mid-week Scare

2004-08-19T16:37:00.000-07:00

Well the money scare is somewhat over, at least the scary part of it is. My mom will not have to fork over $60,000 (not like she has it anyways). She spoke with my father for the first time in months almost a year I think, to make sure that he doesn't pay his half. Turns out he had been dealing with this company for a long time, so no worries. All is pretty much settled. My brother just got a new job as a representative of Wild Oats ('er something). Not sure exactly what he does but I am proud of him all the same. I think he wanted this job for a long time. I also forgot to mention that I had a small party the night before yesterday. Where two of my good friends that I hadn't seen in a long time showed up to watch an old movie. We watched (by request no order of mom) Scary Story, which was really good; better than I thought it would be. Watching a naked guy jump from a window has pretty much been one of the highlights of this busy week. Plus watching my best friend scream is really funny (Bwa hahaha, I am so evil). I have tons of awsome links in the sidebar and fun games just below. My newest is the Religion in 'The Simpsons' Quiz. It's really awsome check it out! Oh I will also be adding on The Hobbit Name Generator and Adventure Quest RPG site. Have fun Everybody! \^!^/

Family Ties/ Mortgage scams?

2004-08-18T13:25:00.000-07:00

Well I get into the whole Weblog thing and soon enough all my family members want to get in on all the action too (Give it some time even my dog will have his own Blog). I just set up my mother with her's called 'And So the Phoenix Rises from the Ashes of Pain'. There is a Link to it over in my sidebar. I have also added in other Links, a Tagboard and a Poll of which I am quite proud of. HTML is jibberish to me but I think I'm doing really well with it for a beginner. On a sadder note, My mother's past came back to haunt her in a shocking phone call. Some mortgage company called demanding $60,ooo over a house that we lost back when I was a babe. They said they finally found us, blah blah, new company, blah blah, bought the note. They threatend to take our house, the car...Completely throwing my poor mother for a panic loop. It is a good thing my mother isn't easy to fool even when she is in a panic. There is a possibility that this was a scam. My mother and grandmother did some reasearch and so far things are looking better with the thought that this is a scam. They are still trying to figure things out, possibly call the FBI. It's not like my moms dumb enough to send money without asking questions. After all they went from $60,000 to accepting $2o0 monthly payments. We are not rich people and this old thing they have no right to pull out of the grave. If anyone has anything to add, information or even personal experiences with scams and/or Mortgage companies please write a comment about it. Thank you

Back to the Institution of Mental Corruption AKA School

2004-08-15T10:28:00.000-07:00

School starts September 7th. The busses are already memorizing the routes to my disgust and realization that I will soon have to be ridding on that yellow contraption. I will be starting my Junior year. Not much to say to that. Just another year of the same ol' same ol'. Summer went by a little fast for me this year. I still don't have a car. I will be less welcoming to boys bullshit this year. I've already forgotten what courses I signed up for. My friends are all seniors but that doesn't stop me from hanging out with their crowd more so than Juniors. I hate my class of 2006. Their all dipshits, the Class of 2005 isn't even as bad as they are. Each year a new class of Dumbass comes rolling into thier Freshman year. Must have been like that for centuries, thats why everyone hates the Frosh. Towards the year 2020 Freshmen will be computer-brained, brain-washed, and brain-fried Dumbasses! Although I do so look forward to Halloween. Its a religious holiday. Not only because its the witches New Year but because it's the one time of year I can really be myself. The one time of year when it's okay to dress up like a freak and make children cry. Plus ++++++++++++ CANDY! woooo! \^0^/
Anywho the celebration gets bigger each year and more and more kids realize that my house is the happenin' place to be. Alot of my friends are getting a clue as to how much we put into this holiday. This year their will definately be more people around to make my house cooler than the local haunted house. BWA HAHAHAHAHA XD Beware of the 'Manos' Hands of Fate!

Political Jargon

2004-08-14T13:46:00.000-07:00

Argue with me if you will thats what the comment section is for. But I must say this otherwise there is no point to using a weblog for my freedom of opinion. As far as politics are concerned I only ever knew that Bush and Kerry were running for prez. All others didn't matter or were unseen. Until I was told there was another representing the Libertarian party. I watched his speeches on the net and found them to be hitting many strong points, the problem is he was not expressing them with a strong voice. I know that a majority of people follow politics less than I do, especially those my own age. I know this because the choices my friends make are based on what they hear their parents say. Well I hear what my mother says and I hear what my brother says and I see for myself on the news. My decisions are based on what my opinion dictates and have been formed before any discussion with parental figures and left free for debate. If this guy Michael Badnarik, had been campaining for 18 months and I had not known of him till now, than obviously many others do not know of him and will not vote for him. Bush and Kerry have the most money and the most people backing them up already. They are going to get a majority of the votes. I know everyone is saying don't vote for the lesser of two evils. The problem is if you vote for the lesser of three candidates you do nothing more than disperse the votes giving the greater of three evils the heavier weights of the scale. I am strongly against Bush, he has caused my family much pain and sufferage. If I were to vote I would vote for Kerry. He MUST uphold at least some of the promises he stated in his speech at the Democratic Convention. Kerry has alot of people backing him up, former president Clinton, his wife, many celebrities. The chances of Kerry winning are very high compared to Badnarik who had a reletively small show. His speaking voice was not all that strong, nor was his approach. He did not give me a feeling of security that he would be strong enough to hold a firm hand in the government. With the majority of the America being owned by corporations and celebrities and politicians who want America run in their favor; the little guy has little chance of being noticed. I may be proven wrong in time but November is comming very soon so Badnarik has little time to get the US to back him up. I support people's induvidual decisions on these matters as much as I support people's induvidual decisions on faith. You can't force someone to think a certain way. You can only tell them what you think and let them respond in their own way. I know this because I have friends that support our current president and I must be accepting of that because I love my friends. I may not be old enough to vote, But I am paying attention as if I were.

I'm a Believer!

2004-08-13T15:48:00.000-07:00

I took the Belief-o-matic quiz at Beliefnet website and found it to be quite accurate (at least for me). This quiz is to help you find a connection from what you personally believe to various religions. This can also open you up to knowing what other religions are about. No internet quiz are always accurate for everyone so if you take it, don't take offense if you have a percentage in a religion you don't believe in or even a high percentage in a religion you don't believe in. Its all for fun and enlightenment. When I first read that I scored a 22% for Mormon religion and 13% for Jehovas witness I thought it was great. I have friends that are mormon and Jehovas witness, I want to share with them that there is a percent of me that feels for their beliefs. We'll probably joke about it and they'll want to check out the site to take the test themselves. Here are my scores.

1.
Neo-Pagan (100%)
2.
Unitarian Universalism (96%)
3.
Mahayana Buddhism (90%)
4.
New Age (86%)
5.
Hinduism (82%)
6.
Liberal Quakers (74%)
7.
Jainism (73%)
8.
Theravada Buddhism (72%)
9.
Sikhism (69%)
10.
New Thought (67%)
11.
Reform Judaism (67%)
12.
Scientology (64%)
13.
Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (61%)
14.
Secular Humanism (59%)
15.
Taoism (57%)
16.
Bahá'í Faith (50%)
17.
Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (48%)
18.
Orthodox Judaism (43%)
19.
Orthodox Quaker (41%)
20.
Islam (33%)
21.
Nontheist (32%)
22.
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (22%)
23.
Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (22%)
24.
Seventh Day Adventist (19%)
25.
Eastern Orthodox (16%)
26.
Roman Catholic (16%)
27.
Jehovah's Witness (13%)

Arthritis Humor

2004-08-10T09:45:00.000-07:00

I got this off of the Pagan and Proud website.

A drunk man who smelled like rum sat down on a subway seat next to a
priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with
red lipstick, and a half bottle of booze was sticking out of his
torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes, the man turned to the priest and asked,
"Say, Father, d'ya know what causes arthritis?"

"Yes, my son, it's caused by
loose living, being with cheap, wicked
women, drinking too much alcohol, having contempt for your fellow
men, sleeping around with prostitutes, lack of bath, and things like
that...." "Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered returning to his
paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and
apologized saying: "I'm very sorry. Look, I didn't mean to come
on so strongly. How long have you had arthritis?"
"Aw' I've never had it, Father. I was just readin' here that
the Pope does..."

Give me some Rumi

2004-08-09T19:27:00.000-07:00

ONLY BREATH

Not Christian or Jew or Muslim, not Hindu, Buddhist, sufi, or zen. Not any religion
or cultural system. I am not from the East or the West, not out of the ocean or up
from the ground, not natural or ethereal, not composed of elements at all. I do not exist,
am not an entity in this world or the next, did not descend from Adam and Eve or any
origin story. My place is placeless, a trace of the traceless. Neither body or soul. I belong to the beloved, have seen the two worlds as one and that one call to and know,
first, last, outer, inner, only that
breath breathing human being.

---Jelaluddin Rumi

Lets make it Concrete

2004-08-08T16:33:00.000-07:00

Today My mom, the neighbor boy from down the street and I mixed and poured cement to cover a small area next to the driveway. It was hard work but the boy made it fun. Lets just call him Gonzi for now (Don't ask he came up with it). Gonzi made it fun. Gonzi was alot of help. He was helping us out in exchange for old Golf clubs my mom gave him as well as out of the kindness of his mischievous heart. We played around and wacked each other with our cement dust covered gloves and shovels. Though I did take alot of teasing it doesn't mean I didn't dish it back. We burried a Ken doll head and a penny in the cement for the sake of 'we are the only ones who know bwa hahahaha'.XD
Anywho it was a good day, he was tired because for some baka reason he stayed up till four in the morning even though he knew he was to help us out today. Its kinda strange, for as long as I lived here I didn't know that much about him and forgot his name off and on because he wasn't apart of my life (which is how I feel about most of the kids in this neighborhood). I've known of Gonzi since he was a little elementary school boy and now he has been comming over so much, I think I've gained a friend. Normally I don't get along with kids younger than me, but he is smart or he seems smart and isn't a dud. Doesn't like being refered to as a kid though, but as a thirteen-year-old, a kid is what he is. A kid is also what I am still considered as too. I can't vote this year by a weeks time because my eighteenth birthday is after Election day and I so want to contribute to the balots. I want to be considered a CITIZEN Dammit!

Viggo, the God of Manly facial hair stubble

2004-08-06T16:10:00.000-07:00

Oh what a Night! Stayed up till one in the morning to watch Viggo Mortensen ride the Pony. (^_^)
He, the God of manliness with stinky cowboy hat and mishaven face accenting his supper HOT cleft chin. Oh yeah Hidalgo was cute to. My friend the Queen Elf of LoTR set up today to be the day for CORNBREAD (the supper secret code name for a viewing of Lord of the Rings movies) at my house, yay!
So I got to have a double take of the cowboy/king of Man ( I am such a Man fancier). Anywho, they came over ( while I was still in Hidalgo mode, wearing my own cowboy hat) we had fun catching up on things then did some internet viewing on cartoons. They showed me the Jack Black spoof on the Councel of Elrond scene. So cool. Then we watched the mooovie. Counting all of the Cleft chined actors along the way. I'm sure that if Gimli's beard was shaved away we'd see a cleft there too. LORD OF THE CLEFT! Anywho, it was good ol' make fun of LoTR party where us girls giggled and gufawed at our favorite scenes making puns and the whatnot. My favorite scenes were definitely at the end when all the Hobbits were jumping on the bed and the rest of the 'taller' fellowship watched like pervy voyeurs. And then there was the farwell scene, when Frodo kissed Sam, Awww. It was the most touching scene and then Frodo gone, away with Gandalf. and I quote of the Very secret diaries "Sam will kill him if he tries anything!"
I am glad we had this party, I missed my friends (sniff). Well I will close here with a lovely pic of grungy Frank T. Hopkins for your dirty enjoyment. (^-^)

I think the guy to my right is checking out my ass again

My little Prayer

2004-08-05T13:52:00.000-07:00

Great Shekhina, Matronit, Mother, Defender, the go-between to the jealous God, that loves as vulnerably and as strong as the humankind. Tell him our prayers, whisper the secret concerns that plague our spirits. For though he is the architect that moves the world you are the inspiration that moves the architect.
Amen.

Trigun Rules!

2004-08-04T10:18:00.000-07:00

Vash my hero

Ken Comes Out: What's that Queer thing hanging around Barbie's boyfriend's neck? By Dan Savage, 1993

2004-08-02T13:15:00.000-07:00

earringmagicken FABulousDate

"The deput of Mattel's New Ken doll is getting almost as much press as the debut of new Coke did. Since his introduction at a toy convention in New York City in February, Ken's been everywhere, including the front page of the New Yor Time's Arts and Leisure section. Why the hoopla? Ken's new look: his pierced left ear and his two-tone "greased lightning" hairdo.
But Earring Magic Ken is sporting another accoutrement that's been largely overlooked: Hanging around Ken's neck, on a metalic silver thread, is what ten out of ten people in the know will tell you at a glance is a cock ring.
Mattel Toys, in the person of Lisa McKendall, denied everything. "Absolutely not," she said, "It's a necklace. It holds charms he can share with Barbie. C'mon, this is a doll designed for little girls; something like that would be entirely inappropriate." OK, Lisa, let's call it a necklace. Queers have been wearing cock rings as necklaces for years.
When they're not fashion statements, cock rings are worn around the base of your cock or your close personal friends cock, if you don't have one of your own. Slip one on when you're soft; once you're hard, it traps blood in the penis, increasing sensitivity and prolonging orgasm.
Chrome cock rings like Ken's were long worn by the leather crowd on the shoulders of their biker jackets (left for top, right for bottom). In the waning years of our long national nightmare (aka Reagan-Bush years), younger gay-boy-activist types with brand-new leather jackets took to wearing cock rings on whichever side looked best or, to the horror of the leather crowd, on both sides. Tops? Bottoms? Versatile? Clueless? Who knew? Then, dykes started wearing them-cocks or not, they didn't want to miss out on any of the sex-positive accessorizing.
Cock rings exploded (ouch!)-as vest zipper-pulls, as key rings, as bracelets; rubber ones, leather ones, chain ones. But the thick chrome variety, the classic Coke of cock rings, was and is most often worn as a pendant. Chrome cock-ring necklaces became de rigueur rave wear. For about a year, every gay boy at a rave was wearing at least one-these cock rings were often pressed into service later in the evening, to help totally tweaked ravers keep up what the X was pulling down.
On closer inspection, Ken's entire Earing Magic outfit turns out to be three-year-old rave wear; a purple faux-leather Gaultier vest, a straight-out-of-International Male purple mesh shirt, black jeans and shoes. It would seem Mattel's crack Ken-redesign team spent a weekend in L.A. or New York dashing from rave to rave, taking notes and Polaroids.
Ken's redesign was prompted by the advice of little girls who play with him. "Two years ago we did a survey," Lisa McKendall said. "We asked girls if Barbie should get a new boyfriend or stick with Ken. They wanted Barbie to stay with Ken, but wanted Ken to look a little cooler."
And what's cool in the USA right now? What's hip? Queers. Turn on MTV and watch the seven-foot-tall drag queen strut her fine stuff for the heartland. Lesbian comics on Arsenio (how far he's come!). Gay and lesbian activists in the Oval Office chatting up the president. A live feed of the March on Washington running on C-SPAN.
Suddenly it's hip to be queer. The little girls of our great nation wanted a hipper Ken, and Mattel gave them a hip Ken. A queer Ken.
"Ken and Barbie both reflect mainstream society, reflect what little girls see in thier world," said Lisa, who was getting awfully testy about my line of questioning. "What they see their dads, brothers and uncles wearing, they want Ken to wear."
As nice as Lisa is (which isn't very), I'm not sure I buy her reasoning. How many dads out there are running around with cock rings dangling from chains around thier necks? How many mesh shirts does International Male sell to the Junes and Wards of our great nation? What the little girls were seeing and telling Mattel was cool wasn't what thier relations were wearing-unless they had hip, queer relatives-but the homoerotic fashions and imagery they were seeing on MTV, what they saw Madonna's dancers wearing in her concerts and films, and, as it happens, what ACT UP/ Queer Nation fags and dykes were wearing to judemos and raves.
When you've made it to the aisle of Toys R Us, your movement has arrived-remember the sudden appearance of African American Barbie-style dolls after the full impact of the civil rights movement began to be felt? Queer Ken is the high-water mark of, depending on your point of view, either queer infiltration of popular culture or the thoughtless appropriation of queer culture by heterosexuals. Lisa seemed genuinely unaware of the origins of Ken's "necklace"-and it's highly doubtful Mattel's design teams were lurking at queer raves. Queer imagery has so permeated our culture that from rock stars (Axl Rose and his leather chaps) to toy designers, mainstream America isn't even aware when it's adopting Queer fashions and mores. Or when it's putting cock rings, even little plastic ones, into the hands of little girls.
Earring Magic Ken is made in China, costs around $15, and comes with a set of people-size earrings you can wear around the house or out to the bars. And while Ken now has a cock ring, he still doesn't have a cock. "Traditionally, Ken doesn't sell as well as Barbie. Ken is a girls' toy," said Lisa. But with queers rushing out to snap him up, Mattel may be surprised at how well Cock-Ring Magic Ken sells.
I already got mine."

Hurray for Ken's age of experimentation!

The doll my mother lovingly calls Alternative Ken did gain popularity amongst the boys until it was recalled because of the contraversy. A coupla days ago, while going through old boxes and paperwork I stumbled upon the old article and decided to post it. I also decided to look up Earring Magic Ken on the net. I found it and tried to buy it off of Ebay, lost both times. (*_*)
Uh, well I will try again another time.

Art on the Green

2004-08-01T11:29:00.000-07:00

A local event that takes place every year at this time. There mediocre artists show off their work and sell them in booths throughout a main street and parks. Some of the works are really good. But many are just the same ol' same ol' that we see each year. So if you don't buy what you want this year you can save up for next year to buy that little exotic item then. One can always count on there being the folk arts; woodwork moose, quilts, and ceramic pots with quaint little phrases. There's the hippie booths with all the tie-dye clothing and oriental souvenirs. The Native American art booths. Oil paintings, Photographs, Bonzai trees, book signings, metalic art, airbrush tattoos, and of course people showing off their fantastically large brazillian mastifs and Great Pyrenees that have fur like a llama which must be torture in this heat. While we were there we had hawaiian shaved ice and chocolate diped cheesecake. We listen to various kinds of music, jazz gutiarists, bolivian folk music, and little boys playing violins. The people everywhere herded from booth to booth almost with no consideration of bumping into others. Though some of the men weren't bad to look at XD. I saw some friends there hanging around by the beach areas. My mother and I are sad that we couldn't have a booth of our own to sell some of my brothers photographs. We saw some of the photograph booths that were there. None of them were that special and my brothers work is much better. Even his girlfriend could have sold some of her paintings there. We didn't see all the booths that was there though, some where kinda hidden behind the community college. We also got tired and since we had no money to spend, there really wasn't any point to see more. Uh well, there's a fair comming up towards the end of summer. It will have alot of the same souvenir booths I like that were at Art on the Green. Hopefully I may have some spending cash to take with me! ;-p

Tranquility in old Japan

2004-07-31T11:19:00.000-07:00

jappic#2

Just because it's Bokken doesn't mean it's Broken

2004-07-30T19:50:00.000-07:00

Bokken
Um, Yeah. So I finally figured out how to post a picture on my blog. This here is a picture of my new Bokken. I got it as a surprise gift from my super awsome brother . He has also started his own weblog called Bushido Sushi Bar. My brother had before given me Airsoft guns so I am proud to say ' fear the wrath of my arsenal of heavy wood and plastic pellets! Bwa hahaha XD. But seriously; Niisan, Doumo Arigato Gozaimashita. (Deep Bow)

Screw Driver!

2004-07-28T11:04:00.000-07:00

Anywho, yesterday as I was looking out the kitchen window over the sink, I noticed a truck parked on the curb. Inside was a man talking on a cell phone. With his other hand however, he was holding a screwdriver. Now alot of people tend to talk on a phone with one hand and fiddle around with the other i.e. doodle, play with string, what ever is available. This man though began stroking his inner thigh with the screwdriver. He then moved the tool to between his legs and sat there stroking it with his hand for a while before he used it yet again, on his inner thigh. Im sure he wasn't thinking too much of what he was doing. He certainly didn't know anyone saw him. Must of been having a really good conversation!

Rurouni Musashi

2004-07-20T20:12:00.000-07:00

Miyamoto Musashi lived from 1584 to 1645. His full name was Shinmen Musahi no Kami Fujiwara no Genshin; meaning 'Member of the Shinmen family, the family name Musashi, clan Fujiwara, adulthood name Genshin. A significant figure in the development of Bushido; Musashi wrote the famous book on strategy called Go Rin No Sho 'The Book of Five Rings'. Musashi was a legendary Kensai 'sword saint' who had reputedly defeated many samurai using only bokken 'wooden training swords'. It is written that he had won his first duel when he was thirteen against the samurai Arima Kibei. Musashi was described as being uncouth and uncleanly; rarely bathing for fear of being caught unarmed. His rude attitude and dissheveled appearance however was also a tactic to throw his enemies off guard. At one time Musashi killed the powerful swordsman Sasaki Kojiro using a Bokken he carved out of a spare oar. Over the years Musashi developed his skill and strategy challenging various samurai and Dojo masters. He practiced and professed the importance of learning many crafts. In which Musashi was a master artisan and his artwork became another facet to his fame. In his final years Musashi settled into a life as a hermit, living in a cave named Rigandou to write The Book of Five Rings. Musashi died a couple of weeks after finishing it. His legacy slowly grew to become an integral part of the Bushido history and Kendo practices.

These Strange Things

2004-07-18T13:12:00.000-07:00

Is it always expected of a child to love and respect a parent? Automatically? It has been in my experience that that is never so. Parents who have the love and respect of their children earned it. Yet even then there are those parents who even though they earned it, will never recieve it. But that is the crux to having offspring. These crucial matters, simple words of give and take. Can alter a childs view of their mothers and themselves. One girl is damned in a family; by rule of mother she does not have a voice, she does not have their love. Though she is demanded to return Love and Respect in exchange for a bucket of nails. Another girl can find no common ground with so heated a mother that cannot see past her own preconceptions. Miscommunication; both hearts so in sync yet minds torn apart.
These two children on God's domestic battle ground are at a loss of self. Hateing the mear concept of words for words were the swords that tore the soul. There is no truth in perfection. With a double standard to her diciplines and the emblem of her power taunting our poor choices; could I ever measure up? These lessons have been borne with closed lips.

Boy x Boy romance comics for Girls?

2004-07-10T18:22:00.000-07:00

Yeah, Shounen Ai. Something that straight men only equate to as the equal and opposite to their beloved girl on girl action. Though that is not the case to the girls. For the record Shounen Ai is not the stuff that real gay boys read. They have separate Manga and Anime for them. While we girls for the strictly unexplainable reason love to read and watch the romantisied version of Boys love. I've read that it is a common thing for girls to write their own Doujinshi or fanfic. Where they pair up their favorite characters, many being the obviously straight characters from popular Shounen Manga/Anime.Heiei and Kurama;Vash and Wolfwood; Goku and Vegeta; Even Legolas and Gimli has been turned into Shounen Ai Doujinshi. This making it something for them to enjoy. Some are dramatic, romantic, and or extremely funny shit. Shounen Ai does not however have very much sexual content. I have seen Shounen Ai manga in store rated for 13 and up. Books like that can not be that explicit. Yaoi however will delve deeper into the sexual part of a boy X boy, or even boy x man relationship. Though most girls are not interested in that, they are interested in the romance of the story. So there you have it, I hope that makes sense. Girls are weird, especially Otaku's (Fans) and certainly the Japanese.
So anywho I felt I needed to vent that. Me Maam doesn't quite get it. Its no big deal. I just got done reading Boy meets Boy which is the funniest gay webcomic ever. If ever you are brave of heart and not a 'tard about these things, check it out.

http://boymeetsboy.keenspot.com/

I want more of Michael Moore

2004-07-06T14:24:00.000-07:00

Anyways I was checking out my fav weblog, which sadly I don't read that often, when I found something cool. Robert Brady put a link to Michael Moore's new Weblog. He just started it on the 4th. I remember I saw some of Michael's movie Bowling for Columbine. I haven't had a chance to see the new movie though. No money. But I promise to rent it when it comes out on video. :3
Well here is some Linkage for ya..

http://www.michaelmoore.com/words/diary/index.php

http://www.pureland.blogspot.com/

Torch the Mo Fo!

2004-07-05T11:12:00.000-07:00

Ah, the 4th of July. The time of year that brings out the Pyro in us all. Me Ma and I were going to go down to see the city fireworks display over the lake, but we changed our mind. Its better to stay home and watch the neighbors blow each other up the traditional Independence Day way. On our block it becomes the annual war zone to show off all brazenness in your skill to weave together the various 'works to pull of the ultimate explosive display. There may be a few casualties but in the long run its the pretty high in the sky leaping lights and sparks make it worth the burns. This year our neighbor the Cop finally got a day off on the 4th. He was scoring major points aiming some of the bottle rockets at the Middle Schooler kids down the street (one being his own kid). Even I myself while I was at my front door was hit by some renegade spark that came from one of the heavier artillery. Children were chasing each other with sparklers and one girl had the pride and joy of holding a roman candle. In the end the war was won and our house was bombed. After the drunken neighbors wandered home and the suppliers to this big Bang swept away the mess, sadness filled our hearts that it could not last longer. Fireworks withdrawal. This morning by the light of the breaking sun we found remnants of our fire play scattered around the front lawn and back yard. Considering the fact that each year we get another neighbor hooked to the flame, next year the party will be even bigger as we light up the sky like the midday sun. God bless this sweet sweet holiday and Happy Independence Yo!

FEAR ME!

2004-07-01T12:37:00.000-07:00

'Fear is the path to the darkside, fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering..." Yoda
Though there are those who cannot avoid it, for the obviously ignorant phobia means Fear, here is a list of my favorite phobia's.

Acerophobia- Fear of sourness.
Agateophobia- Fear of insanity.
Allodoxaphobia- Fear of opinions.
Anglophobia- Fear of England or English culture, etc.
Arachibutyrophobia- Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth. (my dog suffers from that)
Bolshephobia- Fear of Bolsheviks.
Caligynephobia- Fear of beautiful women.
Coprastasophobia- Fear of constipation
Dutchphobia- Fear of the Dutch.
Ecclesiophobia- Fear of church.
Ephebiphobia- Fear of teenagers.
Epistemophobia- Fear of knowledge.
Gallophobia or Galiophobia- Fear France or French culture. (Francophobia)
Geniophobia- Fear of chins.
Genuphobia- Fear of knees.
Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia- Fear of long words.
Japanophobia- Fear of Japanese.
Kathisophobia- Fear of sitting down.
Onomatophobia- Fear of hearing a certain word or of names.
Polyphobia- Fear of many things.
Wiccaphobia: Fear of witches and witchcraft.
Zemmiphobia- Fear of the great mole rat

and here is the source of this fantastic information, discover your fear at...

http://www.phobialist.com/

Something I heard on TV

2004-06-28T17:42:00.000-07:00

I am not here right now, but remember no answer is also an answer.

Swimming Against the Current

2004-06-27T14:20:00.000-07:00

One thing people should never do is squeeze six people into a tiny car on the day of the Ironman triathlon, when Cops are EVERYWHERE. We certainly felt like a bunch of clowns(Do Do dododoDo Do DooDoo). It was really hot and when we finally made it to the river the damn current was way strong. So it was some strange unanimous baka idea to swim across and swim back and pray we don't get swept up into the undertow. We killed our feet on the rocks on the other side of the river so by the time we made it back from the other side we were done. Quite a quick dip but it was worth it. Never hurts to go against the flow of things, sometimes it makes you that much stronger.

Witches Rituals

2004-06-26T17:19:00.000-07:00

I don't practice Wicca enough. I think it would cheer me up and give me more energy to be awake during this long hot summer. Hot weather brings me down quicker than cold or rainy weather. Of course I tend to be nocturnal. I am not all for the hype of Wicca, the popular 'trend' of teenagers to do spells 'cause its cool. Though the underlying faith is where I give my respects. I have tons of books on how to do spells to cure,reveal,attract,distract, persuade, evade, and energized you like a bunny. Yet I've probably only done two or three of 'em. I don't like using tools or having to spend money to pay homage to my faith (unless its a charity, donate money if you have it people!). If I were THAT ritualistic though, I might as well go to church and conform to the megalomania of those who sell Christian products. Though you have to hand it to Mel Gibson, he may be a false prophet but he knows where the money is. My false prophet list: Mel Gibson, Bush, many televangelists, my old bible teacher from 7th grade (pervert), and Barbie.
Anywho, I should get into the practice of meditation. Simple Yoga. The whatnot. Keep in mind I have nothing against Christians themselves, just the assholes who use and delude Christians for their own twisted gain. They hide behind the guise of a golden cross using the 'Im a Christian so you should (automatically) trust me' line. I pray that that gold cross doesn't blind them from knowing the truth.

God save all and Blessed Be.

Isaiah 34:14

2004-06-24T22:14:00.000-07:00

I've been looking up different theories on this passage and its relation to Lilith and Azazel. I figure I should post it in case anyone reads it and would like to add some insight with a comment. Arigato

'Wild cats will meet hyenas there, the satyrs will call to each other, There the night creature shall repose and find herself a place of rest' Isaiah 34:14

And the Quote of the day is...

2004-06-23T17:57:00.000-07:00

Since I am totally lacking anything worthwhile to say in my own words, I will simply leave this post with some interesting quotes.

"Intuition is more like passion. Everybody's experience of it is singular, not quite like anyone elses" Mona Lisa Schulz 'Awakening Intuition'

"All that we are is a result of what we have thought" Buddha

"God is to BIG to fit into one religion" Some Bumpersticker

Release the Killer Cyborg Bugs with Lazer Eyes!!!

2004-06-22T14:12:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was sitting in the backyard with my dog on the couch swing thing. All at once I hear buzzing noise and I look up to see a massive army of Locusts coming over my neighbor's roof. I freaked and grabbed my dog and we ran around the house trying to avoid these vicious aerial insects. As soon as I turned the corner and got inside the house, the buzzing bugs were gone. Without a trace. It was quite an event on such a lagging day. I've never seen locusts around my house before and I live right next to a wheat field.

La Cote Male Tail and Maledisant

2004-06-21T12:15:00.000-07:00

' As a young man Breunor had come to Arthur's court, hoping to become a Knight of the Round Table. He wore an ill-made coat, and because of this was nicknamed "LaCote Male Tail" by Sir Kay.
La Cote Male Tail hoped to prove himself by accepting the Adventure of the Black Shield. This was the most dangerous undertaking of the time, and to make matters worse, the young knight had to endure the cruel tongue of his lady guide, aptly named Maledisant.
Despite LaCote Male Tail's heroics, the damsel rebuked him at every turn. Maledisant later regretted this, as during the course of the adventure she fell in love with the champion. Victorious in his trial, LaCote Male Tail was made a Knight of the Round Table. He then married the damsel Maledisant, whose name was changed to Beauvivante, reflecting her new demeanor. Lancelot, friend and mentor to LaCote Male Tail(as he continued to be called), gave the newlyweds the Castle Pendragon and the surrounding lands.'
Ferguson,Anna-Marie. A Keeper of Words: Legend of the Arthurian Tarot.Pg.129

I figured this would be good food for thought instead of leaving the blog with my last post. This kind of explains a little of why my blog name is Beauvivante. I feel that at some times I can be a scornful Maledisant and at others, a gentle Beauvivante. Such is the way of the all or nothing Scorpio.

Trying something new

2004-06-21T11:27:00.000-07:00

I have never done a blog before. So I am trying it out to see if it is something I would like to do. Who knows, I might have something worthwhile to say.